Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
