I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
