My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
