yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
COCAINE IS GR8
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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