I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
