The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
