sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
