i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
