the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
