what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
