God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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