Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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