So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
