I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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