I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
