I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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