Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
