Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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