another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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