It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
