I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They have beer where we have blood.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
