i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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