How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
