so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
