I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
