I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
