I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
