The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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