I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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