"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need moral support for this bender
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
