Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
