so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
