I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
