i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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