You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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