SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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