We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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