thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
