with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
