I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
