Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
