Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
