I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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