I hate your face
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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