guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
