get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm passing your future prison.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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