His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
