It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
