Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
