Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
