how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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