all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
