my sisters under your porch take her home
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
