The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
